My Birthday Present is to Stay Connected and Present

I have a birthday coming up. It's not a special birthday, although they are all special. It's not a big one, like last year, but let's just say that AARP keeps sending me things that I immediately throw in the trash. This is not a comment on the value of being a member of AARP, but when did I get to be old enough to qualify for their club? So many things are changing in my life. I am really aware of all my aches and pains and all the medical tests that my friends and I talk about now. I am no longer trying to find knick -knacks for my home, I am looking to clear my clutter that I have accumulated. And I now have two young adult sons that are getting ready to go out and live independently in the real world. That's the hardest change of all.

We no longer can find the time to have a week long vacation together let alone a weekend at the shore. I can see a time in the near future when our home will no longer be their primary home. That really scares me. How do I stay connected with my sons when I am no longer the one they come to for advice, money or good home cooked meals? It feels like just yesterday that I was arranging their playdates and helping with homework. There's the old saying that goes something like this, "a daughter is a daughter for the rest of her life but a son is your son 'til he takes a wife". I live in fear of that and at the same time I can't wait for my sons to find their life partners. Is it horrible of me to secretly wish that my sons marry orphans? At the very least, have my future daughters in law have parents who live far, far away and my sons choose to stay close. Family is so important to me. We're not a big family, but one thing we do is that we always make holiday dinners an event. Rarely are there less than 16 at any holiday dinner. We have dinners for even the most trivial events. Who will be there for me as we get older?

I appreciate this time in my life so much. I am not rushing it at all. With one son graduating this December from college and the other graduating high school next June, it's only a matter of time that they'll be ineligible for our insurance or for being claimed as dependents on our tax returns. Of course, that's the least of my real concerns. Every loving mother goes through separation from their children at different times in their child's lives. It starts for some, like me, as early as when I first left them at day care when I went back to work, then when they go to school, camp, get their driver's license and the list goes on.

I, along with my husband, did our job! We raised two happy, independent, responsible human beings who each contribute positively to this world. What more can a parent really want? A phone call once in a while or a visit will be nice too! I have a good homemade chicken pot pie just waiting for when they're home! The best birthday present that I can give myself and that others can give me is the gift of staying in the here and now, and not only looking for what's next.
Happy Birthday to me!